I LOVE Christmas. Love it.
I have made mince pies, made my own mincemeat. I've given home made beetroot chutney and home made coconut ice and home made chocolate fridge cake as presents. Delivered in home made gift boxes and home made Christmas cards - some with reindeer heads some with snowflakes. I love it.
For dinner today we are having home made celery soup, lamb with all the trimmings, home made Christmas pud and home made cheesecake. There's sherry and port and wine and beer and guinness and cider and beer and more sherry. I've made sure we've got cheese and biscuits and choccies and pickled onions (not pickled by me FAIL)
Anyway as it has turned out I have to work - I am there now - so all of the dinner stuff I did last night leaving Jake and mother to sort today so that when I get back at 4.30ish dinner will be ready. To make things a bit jolly for them I have organised a treasure hunt with three gifts each (for Chewy as well) and some craft activities to keep them going. I really enjoyed planning it all because I LOVE Christmas.
At the Christmas parties early in the month I wore my tinsel and party hats and festive brooch. I am wearing a dress with a bloody great big reindeer on it as I write for God's sake. I LOVE CHRISTMAS!
So...... why the long paws?
Jake told me on the 23rd that he wished he was helping out at a soup kitchen. He hates Christmas so much he'd rather be doing that (nothing wrong with that of course - I would like that too) but of course it stung a little bit as the implication is that he doesn't want to spend it with me. I made the mistake of telling mother how Jake and Charlie were still unable to clear up their mess when they stay at mine and that I find it stressful when I get home from work as I don't know what I am going to find. That's true but I mentioned it as she asked about it - I didn't tell her so that she would then speak to Jake about it. In fact I specifically asked her NOT to say anything to him. But no of course what happens is she has a right old pop at Jake and makes it quite personal upsetting him and once he had relayed it to Charlie, upsetting her as well. To be fair to Jake he rang me up and told me that Grandma was right and he was sorry but he also told me that she had included in her rant the fact that I was SO stressed that I was likely to die young (?) because of it. I am stressed of course the funny thing being it is mainly her visit that stresses me out.
Last night Jake asked if I minded if he went round to Brian and Tracy's tonight - only when I get back from work of course - wouldn't leave Grandma on her own. I had to lay myself bare and say PLEASE PLEASE DON'T I need you to stay here and have a little Christmas for me - please!! I asked him if and Charlie could go round there on Boxing night instead. Of course me and Grandma are invited 1) I doubt she would want to go 2)am I getting on with Brian - not sure 3) I just want to 'chill baby baby baby chill baby wait' at home.
I did initially try to explain to him how I felt that there are times when you have to do stuff you don;t really want to do in order to make other people feel happy and he asked me what I meant. I then had to try and explain how I really did not want to spend Christmas at home watching repeats of Emmerdale and Coronation Street, that pretty much everything I had done had been to accommodate other people and that I would in fact much rather be at a friend's house drinking sherry but it wasn't quite working as I started to panic he would take it personally so the long and the short of it is I told him I would do anything if he stayed in.....
This morning my cab came at 8.20am. A great big shiny silver Merc and we sped through London town to Red Bee Media. It is always interesting noting the people who are out and about on Christmas day in London, or anywhere I guess. Some people walking alone obviously with nowhere in particular to go, others striding purposefully to work or to the home of a loved one. You can peer briefly through the windows of other people's Christmas day. Fairly obvious which houses have small children as the lights are on and there's a blur of activity through the windows.
I was surprised at the number of doorways that housed someone wrapped in a duvet or sleeping bag. It is freezing out.
On the radio a DJ from LBC was interviewing someone from the Serpentine Swimmers Club as every year they go for a dip on Christmas Day. Sadly this year the lake is frozen so they can't do it. Maybe I will suggest Jake joins them - or maybe I should join them....
So at Red Bee all is calm, all is quiet etc. I hope to have dodged the communal lunch bullet. I can't bear the idea of sitting with 10 (young) people I don't know very well chatting about there family Christmases, plus I am knackered so I look like death - just want to stay at my desk and 'work'. I have been left a packet of chocolatey treats by my colleagues, a rather bizarre Father Christmas keyring and some bizarre email messages of Christmas cheer - I would expect no less. The company has left all of us working on the 25th a 'goodie bag'. It has to be the strangest definition of the word 'goodie' I have ever heard. Although to be fair there is a Christmas selection box (small) the other bits and bobs resemble the sort of freebies you get on a flight or when staying in a cheap hotel - little coffee biscuits, cheese portions (St Ivel), tiny bag of nuts, little pack of two digestives, little pack of two crackers. Its like whoever was responsible to put the goodie bags together just started collecting early in the year every time they went for a coffee or stayed at a Holiday Inn Express. Its the thought that counts. Is it though?
So there you go - God I sound like a Bah Humbug sort of a person don't I? But I'm not - I LOVE CHRISTMAS. So my mum drives me mentile and my son cannot wait to get away from us. I'm sitting at a computer in white city on Christmas day, dreading the phone ringing in case its my dad, all of my mates are safely ensconced in the bosom of their families and not back til the end of the month. But I love Christmas. I do and I am going to keep on making chutney and coconut ice and mincemeat and boxes and Swedish hearts and cards until one year it all makes sense - I don't care how long it takes. Maybe I will join the Serpentine Swimmers. Maybe I will book a log cabin in Switzerland for next year NOW.
Maybe grandchildren will make it work, or maybe I should have babies myself? Maybe Chewy and I will bugger off to a cottage in the middle of nowhere and I could become a recluse taking lovers willy nilly (?) and the locals could take against me. That would be fab.
Anyway Ikea tomorrow and a bit of visiting following that and then its off to Cheltenham for Jean's birthday! Hooray
Here's to 2011.
New year's resolutions - play more music - do more gigs - get more cats - punch everyone who says 'I never make resolutions'
Merry Christmas!!!
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